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We have all been hurt in one way or the other by the person or persons we trusted and cared for. The hard part is how do we forgive and move on? How do we learn not to judge everyone we meet by the pain we felt in our past or present? How do we let go of the anger that we feel for allowing the person to get close enough to hurt us? How do we love someone else again? How do we trust someone else again? How do we grow from the pain? Ultimately how do you forgive you?
Easier said than done, but you will be doing yourself a favour if you forgive and let go because holding on is only hurting you more. It is giving more power to the person that hurt you, you deserve to be happy and being angry, does not create happiness within.
You Have Heard All The Above Before Right?
I have 5 A steps for you:
Analyse and own your own happiness
1. Say it in your head as well as verbally saying "I forgive you", "I release you", "my happiness is in my hands not yours" say the person's name too (trust me, it will help). At first, you might not mean it, you might think of awful things you wish to happen to them. Likelihood is, you will cry the first few times, depending on how badly you feel hurt. Just remember you forgiving them is not for them, it is for your own happiness. Holding on to the pain and hurt is like drinking poison (Keep reading I know you have probably heard these before and its true). Are they worth you being in pain?
Floating Counselling is here to help you acknowledge the hurt you feel, teach you how to love yourself and others again, learn to as well as learn the discernment to surround yourself with better people in the future.
Acknowledge your part in it
2. Looking back, you know your instinct warned you and you did not listen, for whatever reason, you ignored it. Either it said do not go there, and no this is not victim blaming.
Say it in your head as well as verbally saying "I forgive me, I love me, I respect my own opinion" Say your personal name, repeat this as many times as you need to, for as many days and month as possible till you really start to believe yourself. This will also allow core self to have permission to trust yourself
Accept you can not change the past
3. Know and realise that: Forgiveness does not mean you accept what the person did, it does not even mean you allow the person to still be in your life, forgiveness means releasing feelings of resentment or vengeance, it does not mean forgetting.
Anger Vs Blessing
4. If you are religious pray positive prayers for the person that hurt you. NOOO God is not going to give them a new car, what God (if you are religious) will do is show them, themselves. God is meant to be God of truth right? then before they can be blessed they will need a revelation of truth. So what your prayers does is send fire on their head till they get a revelation of truth, truth of what they did to you so they do not do it to another person. You do not want them to keep hurting others right? GOOD. That is all your religious prayer does
Apology, Repair and Resilience
5. Finally, its time to heal you, to love you more, to build your self worth and esteem and most importantly to build your resilience to ensure this pain is not repeated and that you can turn it into a learning curve to better you. Start by doing regular mirror work.
You also, have to be okay with never getting an apology from the person that hurt you. Ask yourself, how can I turn this into a good thing to strengthen me?
For more support on forgiving yourself and others, sign up for our support: www.floatingcounselling.co.uk/freeresources